Stalker on the Kennedy
by PantherGuide
Summary: see the enclosed document for summary and other information


STALKER ON THE KENNEDY  
By Red Falcon  
  
Standing here alone, and thinking of what might have been if I had let him stay. If I had stayed and talked it out with him, but I didn't, I couldn't. I couldn't even look at him after what I had done to him. Like a scared kid I ran, I ran back to the one thing that I knew would let me die quickly and die honorably, in the service of my country.  
  
Now, nearly four years later, here I stand on the deck of the Big John watching as the F-14's launch and trap as flight operations continued for the late afternoon run. Sometimes I wondered what he's up to and if he still thought about me. At times I wondered what would have happened if things had turned out differently, if I would still be with him. When those thoughts came to mind I would soundly and sharply remind myself that I nearly killed him and all thoughts of a romantic nature would flee and the self hatred would remain. It's better that I stay away and find an honorable death than to inflict my unpredictable nature on him, he's just too kind and generous for that. All right I admit it; I love him too much to put him at risk.  
  
During that last assignment at JAG, I was pegged to do an undercover investigation of some highly placed military and political figures. Sometime during that investigation I got into an accident and lost my true past. I really believed I was a disenchanted weapons designer that was willing to sell out my country for the right price. To make a long story short, when the Feds and the military finally came in to make the arrests, I had no idea what was going on. I fought along side the people I was supposed to be arresting.  
  
I used every ounce of training I had and tried to kill the agents and soldiers that came after us. That's when I saw him standing there. He was just standing there looking at me. All I saw was the uniform and I took aim. I was about to shoot him when someone knocked me off my feet, but my weapon still went off and I saw him go down. I saw the blood blossom on his shirt where the bullet hit him; I saw the surprised look on his face when he realized that I was the one that shot him. Anyway, as soon as all the paperwork was done and I finished debriefing I had my designator changed back to flight status and I ran as fast as I could. I just couldn't face him and know that I had almost killed the only man I will ever love.  
  
Oh well, I've got to get back to work, I've got a flight in a few minutes. And I need to send off those last two letters to the boys. Oh yes, I forgot to mention that didn't I. I know I shouldn't have given in and let it happen but, from the first time I saw Lieutenant Rabb I was lost. I think he was too but since I was the senior partner and, at first at least, he was my clerk. Eventually, when he finished law school and passed the Bar we celebrated and things got out of hand. I never told him about the children, Harmon Michael and Sarah Grace, because at the time and even now, I still outrank him and it would destroy both our careers. I've done enough to him; I won't take away the only thing he has left. Maybe when I die I'll make sure he finds out. The Marine Colonel's eyes passed once more over the flight deck of the Kennedy before she went below deck to prepare for her night flight.  
  
Colonel Ryan was the only Marine aviator on the Kennedy and the only female pilot at that rank. Ship's personnel often gave her a wide berth because they really didn't know what to make of her although she was one of the best pilots onboard. All the crew knew was that she was quiet and spent most of her time alone and that made them nervous.  
  
As she made her way to the pilot's ready room someone bumped into her. Shaun was about to say something to the offender when she felt the point of a knife at her back. Her instincts came to life and, as the knife was buried in her, she fought back and killed the young man that had dared to assault her. She let the body of the unknown man fall to the deck and stumbled the last short distance to the ready room.  
  
"CAG, I think ... I've .... got a ...... slight problem with ....... tonight's flight," Shaun began.  
  
She collapsed; face first, onto one of the large chairs near the back of the pilot's briefing room. "Get a corpsman in here ASAP, Panther's hurt." one of the pilot's said when he saw the knife sticking out of her.  
  
"What the hell happened?" the CAG asked.  
  
"Somebody stabbed Colonel Ryan. And there's a dead body in the corridor. Looks like she got him right after he got her." an MP said.  
  
The medics arrived in short order and took Shaun to sickbay. "She's not bleeding too badly but we can't take any chances." one of the medic's said. "Let's get her ready. Be careful, don't move her too much, we don't want that knife to move."  
  
Sometime later in sickbay the flight surgeon came out and was surprised to find half the ship's pilots and the CAG waiting.  
  
"It's not as bad as I first thought. The knife didn't go too deep and hasn't damaged anything vital. The Colonel will be sore and very likely in a very bad mood for a few days. I suggest that she be grounded for three or four days to give the stitches a chance to set up and for her to begin to heal."  
  
"Thank god. When can we see her?" the CAG asked.  
  
"She's sedated right now. My ears are still ringing from all her yelling. She was madder than a wet hen when she came to. Who knew she could cuss like that." the flight surgeon said with a laugh.  
  
"She's a Marine, doc; they can cuss a blue streak like nobody else."  
  
The gathered pilots laughed and then split up to do whatever they did when they weren't flying. They were worried. Word had come down that several other officers had been attacked in deserted corridors during the past few hours, though none as bad as Colonel Ryan. It had them all on edge since no one knew who it was or where they had disappeared to.  
  
Nearly a week had passed before the Washington JAG office got the reports of the attacks on ship's personal from the Kennedy. Admiral Chegwidden was reading over some of the details when he got to the casualty list. Of all the names on it he recognized only one and he paled. He reread the Chief Medical Officer's report and was satisfied that Colonel Ryan was on the mend and most likely back on flight status by now. The SecNav wanted this investigated and whoever was doing this caught and prosecuted. The SecNav had gone on to say that he wanted Chegwidden's best to handle this because of the female Marine that was hurt. The admiral knew this was going to cause some problems with one of his investigators, but there was no choice in the matter. Rabb and MacKenzie were the best he had so he had to send them the San Miguel.  
  
"Tiner, get Rabb and MacKenzie in here ASAP." the admiral said into his phone.  
  
"Aye, aye sir." Tiner said.  
  
Within moments, the two officers were standing in front of him. The admiral decided to get right to the point.  
  
"There's been an incident on board the USS Kennedy." he began. A.J. looked up to gage the reaction of his two officers.  
  
"What's happened, sir?" Lieutenant Colonel MacKenzie asked.  
  
"Several of the ship's personnel have been attacked as they passed through unpopulated parts of the ship and there have been several incidents of sabotage. The main reason that the SecNav wants us to handle it is because of one of the officers that was attacked. She is very high profile and they want this handled quickly and carefully." the admiral said.  
  
Harm took the file from the admiral's hand and began to look it over. Chegwidden had purposely left the casualty list on top and waited for the other man's reaction. It came quick enough. Harm paled and nearly dropped the folder when he saw her name. He didn't get past that before he looked back at his CO.  
  
"Is she all right?" he asked.  
  
"Yes, apparently it wasn't as bad as they first thought," the admiral began.  
  
"Or she's hiding it. She's done it before." Harm said.  
  
"You can determine that when you get there. I'm sure she will be glad to see you."  
  
"I doubt it. She left without saying anything and until now I had no idea where she was." Harm said. "This is gonna be fun." he muttered.  
  
Eventually, he and Mac left the admiral's office to gather what they would need from their offices and then go home to pack for their flight to San Miguel.  
  
Mac waited for an explanation for a good three hours before she turned to him.  
  
"Harm, what's going on? It's obvious you know someone on the Kennedy. Care to tell me about it?" Mac asked.  
  
"Not really. It was a long time ago and stuff happened and she left." Harm said.  
  
"Could you at least tell me her name?" Mac asked.  
  
"Major Shaun Ryan." Harm said, "Well she's a Colonel now."  
  
"How well do you know her?" Mac continued to pester.  
  
"Look, Colonel," Mac flashed him a dirty look at that, "Mac, I really don't want to talk about it. It's not important to this investigation. Besides I doubt she would even remember me." Harm said.  
  
Fourteen hours of being cooped up on a transport plane left both officers hot, dirty, and slightly cranky. Finally the giant C-130 landed at the San Miguel Naval Air Station tarmac. As soon as the back of the cargo plane opened, they were hit with a blast of heat.  
  
"Oh, man, that's nasty." Harm said.  
  
The heat was like a blast furnace and the stagnant air didn't help matters.  
  
"It's better than D.C." Mac said.  
  
"Not by much." Harm quipped.  
  
From the C-130 it was a quick hop by a SeaKing to the USS Kennedy. The massive helio landed between launches of F-14's and a Hornet. Harm was watching the launches when the Hornet screamed by.  
  
"Looks like we just missed her." he said.  
  
"She's not the only one though. We'll have plenty to do until she gets back."  
  
A young Public Affairs Officer approached them and guided them to the ship's Captain. When they reached the command bridge they found the Captain sitting at the big window watching something.  
  
"Commander Rabb and Lt. Colonel MacKenzie reporting, sir." the P.A. Officer said.  
  
"Ah, good. Maybe you two can put an end to this mess. I've got sixteen officers and crew that have been attacked for no apparent reason and one of my best aviators had a knife stuck in her back. And I've got a ship that goes nuts at the drop of a hat. I finally had to let Colonel Ryan get back in the air, she was driving us all crazy. There is nothing worse than a Marine on the rampage." Captain Kregain said.  
  
Harm tried not to laugh but Kregain heard and turned to face him. "I'm sorry sir. I know all too well to stay out of a Marine's way when they want something." Harm said.  
  
At first Kregain, when he saw the woman, he thought the Commander meant her. "I expect the two of you to find the others that are responsible for this mess and get them off my ship. You can begin in the morgue with the one the Colonel killed. Dismissed." the Captain said and turned back to watch the sky.  
  
To say the least, Mac was stunned. One of their suspects was already dead, and killed by his victim. Harm didn't say anything as they headed for the infirmary to find the morgue.  
  
"You don't seem surprised by what the Captain said." Mac said.  
  
"I'm not. She's a Marine, Mac. You've said it yourself; Marines can take care of themselves."  
  
"C'mon, there's more to it than that. What's going on? Just who is she? If it had been anyone else, they would have been confined to quarters at least." Mac continued to pester.  
  
"Mac, will you please leave it alone. She's faced worse than some jerk with a pigsticker." Harm snapped.  
  
Once they arrived at sickbay, they were directed to the morgue and the body of the guy that had attacked Shaun. When the orderly turned the sheet down, Mac nearly got sick. There was a ghastly look of terror on the dead man's face.  
  
"It's as if he knew he was going to die." she muttered.  
  
"Knowing Shaun, he probably did. We'll have to talk to her but it looks like he got was he deserved." Harm said.  
  
They spent the next several hours talking to the others that had been attacked getting more and more upset at the audacity these men were showing.  
  
Mac and Harm were heading for the Officer's mess when Shaun came around a corner and stopped dead in her tracks. She took one look at Harm and kept going. Harm stepped aside as she walked past him and saw the look in her eyes. He sighed and watched her go.  
  
"Guess that answers that question." he mumbled.  
  
"I'm sure she just has a lot on her mind. Did I see what I thought I saw on her flight suit?" Mac said.  
  
"Yeah, for a while, before law school and after flight school she was a SEAL, just like the admiral. That's also one of the reasons, I guess, she's back here. Damn, I didn't think it would be like this." Harm said.  
  
He punched a near by bulkhead and shook his hand in pain and frustration.  
  
"Take it easy Harm. Obviously, she's just gotten back. I'm sure we just surprised her, that's all." Mac said trying to calm her partner down. She took his hand in hers and began to examine it for any broken bones.  
  
"No, Mac, that wasn't surprise. She just doesn't care. Are we still gonna get something to eat or not?"  
  
After Shaun rounded the corner out of sight, she leaned against the bulkhead and sighed, "This isn't gonna be easy." she murmured.  
  
"You all right, Panther?" a voice asked.  
  
"Yeah, JAG's finally gotten here. Man I hate lawyers." she said.  
  
"Weren't you one once, Panther?"  
  
"Yeah, and I still hate 'em." she said and continued on to her quarters.  
  
Shaun got cleaned up and headed back to the Officer's mess to relax and eat something. She knew she would have to face one or the other of the JAG team and really hoped it would be the Lt. Colonel and not Harm. She was about to walk out of her quarters when she stopped to pick up her heavy jacket, for some reason all of a sudden she was terribly cold.  
  
The Officer's mess was a buzz with activity and none of it stopped when Shaun walked in. Shaun felt his eyes on her the moment she walked through the hatch. With coffee in hand, Shaun found a spot as far from everyone as possible and they gave her the privacy that she wanted. Except of coarse the JAG officers. As soon as she sat down, they stood and joined her, much to her displeasure.  
  
"Do you mind if we join you?" Harm asked.  
  
"No problem, Commander. I see you've moved up in the world." Shaun said.  
  
"I had a good teacher that gave me a great start." Harm said, with a lopsided grin.  
  
"It was easy enough. People tend to trust you when you're honest and you always seem to put others at ease."  
  
"Are you all right, Shaun? The report said you were stabbed." Harm asked.  
  
Mac just sat there and watched. Obviously, to her, there was a history and she was willing to let Harm handle her unless a problem came up.  
  
"I'm fine now. Still a little sore and very pissed but otherwise I'm fine. I just want the rest of them off my ship. It's making everyone nervous including me."  
  
"Tell us about what happened." Mac said.  
  
Shaun turned to face her. "I was heading for the briefing room. That time of night, between the late afternoon run and the evening run, there usually isn't very many people in that area so I wasn't looking around like I usually do. I felt someone brush a little too close by me and was about to say something. That's when I felt something being shoved into my back. I reacted and the guy died. I made it to the briefing room before I collapsed. No big deal." Shaun said.  
  
"What about the man you killed? I've never seen anything like it before." Mac said.  
  
"Ask Chegwidden, he's done stuff like that before. Honestly, I didn't even get a look at him. All I knew was that someone had stabbed me and was trying again and I reacted. I suppose if I had time to think about it I wouldn't have killed him. At least not until I had a chance to find out what was going on."  
  
Shaun was fighting a yawn when there was a horrendous crash. It startled everyone and Shaun jumped to her feet and was about to investigate when she saw someone moving toward them.  
  
"Colonel Ryan, there's a problem in the hangar. Your presence is required." the young man said.  
  
"Damn." Shaun muttered.  
  
Harm and Mac followed her to the hangar deck and when they got there, there was chaos. Somehow several of the fighters had come loose from their tie downs and had crashed into each other, hence the loud crash they heard in the Officer's mess. Fortunately no fires had broken out because of the collisions but some of the electronics were sparking and some of the missiles had broken loose from their mountings and were rolling around the deck unchecked.  
  
"What the hell happened? Watch out! There are missiles rolling around." Shaun called out. She barely missed tripping over one of the Mavericks as it rolled by.  
  
Harm wasn't so lucky. One of the missiles caught him by surprise and he lost his footing. Instinctively, Shaun reached out and caught him before he could land on the deck. In that moment of contact, Harm saw all the pain and grief in her eyes and knew he had missed something the day she left. Just as suddenly as it happened, Shaun's emotional defenses were back in place and it was as if nothing had happened.  
  
"Get those Intruders tied down before they roll right on out of here!" Shaun yelled.  
  
"What the hell is going on here?" Mac demanded.  
  
"This shit has been going on for nearly three weeks now. You're here to figure out the 'what's and why's,' not me. I don't do that anymore." Shaun said.  
  
Mac and Harm went in one direction to help with the runaway aircraft and Shaun went in another. The ship continued its erratic motion making any attempt to coral the runaway fighters and missiles nearly impossible.  
  
"Bridge, Hangar. Keep the ship steady, we've got enough trouble down here as it is." Shaun shouted into the intership com.  
  
"We're trying. Navigation is in and out of control. Something's fucked up the computers up here." the Captain said.  
  
"Keep on it. Can you close the exterior doors so we don't lose anything?" Shaun asked.  
  
"I'll try no promises. Bridge out."  
  
Shaun hung up the COM phone and was about to move away when a missile rack, loaded with missiles, slammed into her. "Ah, fuck." Shaun moaned as she felt several ribs break under the impact. Shaun shoved the rack away from her body as two crewmen rush up to help. "Get this damned thing locked down before it kills someone." Shaun ordered. The crewmen never suspected that the woman was injured.  
  
It took the hangar crew the better part of five hours to get everything back to some semblance of normal and for flight operations to resume. Harm and Mac found Shaun in the officer's mess once they were done with what they were doing. Harm plopped into a chair and brushed against Shaun's arm. She hissed slightly and moved out of his way.  
  
"Are you all right, Shaun?" he asked.  
  
"Yeah, just had a close encounter with a missile rack, damn near got flattened." she said absently.  
  
"I have never seen anything like that before. And frankly I don't want to ever again." Mac said.  
  
"I never knew a hangar deck could be so hazardous. Have you ever had that happen before?" Harm asked.  
  
"What, you mean missiles and planes coming loose? No, that was the first time. But we have lost navigation before." Shaun said.  
  
"We'll get to the bottom of this, don't worry." Harm said.  
  
He was fighting a mighty yawn when Shaun decided to get up and return to her quarters. Harm noticed how stiffly she was moving but discounted it as having worked as hard if not harder than the rest of the crew in the hangar earlier.  
  
Shaun thought about going to sickbay to get her ribs taken care of but decided against it, knowing that the doctor would have to report it.  
  
Eventually, the people responsible for not only the attacks on ships personnel but the sabotage of ship's systems were rounded up and questioned. By the end of the third week of the investigation all but one of the saboteurs was in custody. That left only one and possibly the most dangerous of all the saboteurs left to find.  
  
Since it had been three weeks since her run in with the missile rack, Shaun should have been feeling better and it seemed as if her ribs were healing just fine. She was still flying in between searching for the terrorists. However, between those flights and the occasional fights she was more battered than healed, she was slowing down because of it.  
  
Mac found Shaun off by herself. "Are you all right, ma'am?" Mac asked.  
  
"You don't need to be so formal. Shaun or Ryan will do fine. I just want this over with. I never thought it would be so hard seeing him again. He hasn't changed a bit; well he's even better looking now. Maturity has done wonders for him. I could so easily give in and let myself fall for him again." Shaun said absently, not looking up. "Unfortunately, that wouldn't help his career any. At least he has you to look after him." Shaun said.  
  
"I don't know what you mean. Harm and I are friends, nothing more." Mac said, getting uncomfortable.  
  
"Don't kid yourself. It's hard not to fall for someone like him. He's loyal to the point of obsession. He's got this naive kind of honesty and sincerity that will surely get him killed one day if he's not careful. He's gorgeous and has that grin that drives anyone, especially women, to distraction. I fell hard for him the first time I saw him. It took a while but I finally gave in. I know, I know, I shouldn't have but I did and it was worth it. He is so gentle and compassionate I thought I would die in his arms. Don't make the same mistake I did, Colonel, don't give him up." Shaun said.  
  
Shaun tried to stand but the accumulated injuries and all the battering her body had taken made it difficult to move after being stationary for a while.  
  
Mac saw this and reached out to help. "Are you all right, Shaun?" she asked.  
  
"I think so. I'll worry about it once we've caught Ramirez. I want that bastard of this ship and I want him gone now." Shaun said as she finally surged to her feet in frustration. "Let's get this done." she stated and started to walk away from her hiding place.  
  
Both women were walking through the ship heading for the flight deck when Shaun stopped suddenly. "What is it?" Mac asked. "I'm not sure; it feels like someone's watching us." Shaun answered.  
  
Just as they were about to go outside on the deck, Shaun turned around and came face to face with hate. Unreasoning hate filled eyes stared at both women. Those eyes didn't see Marines, didn't see trained soldiers, those eyes only saw an enemy that had to die.  
  
"Ramirez." Shaun whispered.  
  
At that moment, he charged at them. "Get out of here! Find help, NOW!" Shaun ordered. She shoved Mac behind her and toward the hatch. All Mac could do was as she was ordered. With one last look, Mac was gone.  
  
"It's you and me now you bastard." Shaun said calmly.  
  
Ramirez struck first but missed the fast moving Marine. Shaun was able to land a flurry of vicious blows to Ramirez's body and head. While Ramirez fought with hate in his cold heart, lending an erratic and therefore a somewhat predictable note to his movements, Shaun was calm and detached. Ramirez fought like any fanatic would and was careless and jerky in his attacks. Shaun had shoved her emotions to the farthest corner of her mind and took her enemy apart.  
  
Shaun had just put Ramirez on the deck a final time when Mac, Harm, and ship's Security finally arrived. Shaun was standing over the heavily panting terrorist hardly breathing at all.  
  
"Get this piece of shit off this ship." Shaun said quietly.  
  
"Are you all right, Colonel?" one of the Marine Security men asked.  
  
"I need a vacation." she said simply.  
  
Two Marines stayed with the officers as the rest dragged Ramirez to his feet. "At least it's over now." Harm said.  
  
"Yeah, till someone else get the bright idea to try this again." Shaun groaned.  
  
"Are you all right, ma'am." another young Marine asked.  
  
"Yeah, I'm gonna go on outside and try to relax. You can finish up here. I'll be on the flight line if I'm needed for anything." Shaun said.  
  
She stopped a few paces away and felt herself compelled to turn around. It was at that same moment that the other guards lost control of Ramirez. The terrorist grabbed one of the guard's pistol and was aiming at Harm. Shaun reacted instantly. The guard closest to her was drawing his weapon when Shaun grabbed it and pushed him out of the way. In two steps she was at Harm's side pushing him out of the way. Both Shaun and Ramirez fired at the same time. Shaun's bullet found its mark dead center, between the terrorist's eyes; Ramirez was dead before he hit the deck.  
  
It all happened so damned suddenly that when it was over no one moved. Shaun dropped the pistol as she swayed on her feet. Harm and Mac caught her as she started to collapse. Harm gasped as he saw the blood spreading on her flightsuit. "MEDIC! GET A MEDIC UP HERE NOW!" he shouted.  
  
"Oh man this feels strange." Shaun said.  
  
"Just hang on, medics will be here soon and they'll get you fixed up." Harm pleaded. "I don't think so. Luck's finally run out. Oh, man this hurts." Shaun whimpered. "Hold on, please." Harm begged.  
  
The doctor and Captain Kregain pounded through the corridor to the scene. The doctor immediately knelt beside Shaun and began to examine her. He looked up and shook his head, Shaun was dying and there was nothing anyone could do about it this time.  
  
Shaun fought against Harm's hold and tried to stand. "No, stay still." he said. "Don't .... want to ......... die in here." she stammered.  
  
Harm got to his feet and carried Shaun outside to the flight deck. The others followed at a slight distance. The flight deck was alive with activity. Men and women dashing about in controlled chaos. Fighters launching and recovering or running through touch and goes. The sky was clear and bright with a cooling breeze drifting through.  
  
"It's beautiful. Live for me Harm." Shaun whispered as her soul took flight and her body died in his arms. "No, Shaun, come back." Harm whispered, tears glistening in his eyes.  
  
Mac was at his side and watched the other woman die. Tears filled her eyes and the eyes of everyone around them. After a while, Mac was the one that broke the silence. "Harm, it's time to let her go." she said. "I know. I lost her once before and found her here. Now she's gone forever." "As long as she stays in your heart, she will always live." Mac said quietly.  
  
Harm and Mac stood there on the flight line, after the medics had taken Shaun's body away, for a while when Harm reached out to Mac. "God, Mac what am I going to do? I never got the chance to tell her it wasn't her fault." Harm began.  
  
"What wasn't her fault? I don't understand."  
  
"When I first started at JAG, I was assigned to work for Shaun. You saw her; she was so passionate and intense even then. I was a mess. I was having a hard time getting over the crash and the fact that my days flying combat were over. Shaun let me rant and rave. She always listened, never turned away even when I knew she had something else she had to do. She helped me through law school and the boards, everything. That night after I graduated from law school, she took me to dinner. She looked so beautiful sitting in the stadium in her dress blues. And that night, I don't know, we spent hours talking and drinking, not much but enough to break down our barriers I guess. We got carried away that night." Harm was saying.  
  
"She told me some of it. She didn't go into details and you don't have to either. I can see this is hard for you." Mac said.  
  
"Harder than you know. It only happened once and afterward I thought she was mad at me for going too far. Four and a half months later she disappeared for a while, said she was working on something in California. When she came back six months later it was as if nothing had changed, though we didn't sleep together again. More than anything Shaun was my best friend. We could always talk about anything and could call each other on stuff if it was necessary, kind of like us. I guess I get along better with Marines than I do with other Navy people. It was about six months before we met, Mac, when everything started going to hell. The SecNav got Shaun to do an undercover investigation on some high level weapons thefts. Word was that members of the Joint Chiefs and maybe even the Senate were part of it. They sent Shaun in as a designer looking to make some extra money. News reported a major accident at the weapons plant where Shaun was working. They showed pictures of the injured and Shaun was one of them. If I had known anything was wrong I would have insisted they bring her out but I didn't. Five months later we found out we finally had enough evidence to make our case. The Feds busted in and the shooting started. I went with them to make sure Shaun got out. I had no idea that she wouldn't recognize me."  
  
"It couldn't have been so long that she would have forgotten you. What happened?" Mac asked.  
  
"It was that plant accident. As far as she knew, Shaun was that weapons designer and not a Marine undercover. I found her after a couple of Feds had her cornered and were about to use some heavy artillery to bring them out. God, Mac, there was no recognition in her eyes when she saw me. She was about to shoot when she was knocked off her feet. I saw her hand jerk and knew reflex had taken over and she did fire. Her shot went over my head but one of the Feds was trigger happy and I was shot from behind at the same moment Shaun went down. I heard later that she took the heat for shooting me and demanded that she be returned to flight status. I think seeing me go down like that and thinking she was the one that did it brought it all back for her and scared her to death. Until we got here, I hadn't seen or heard from her in nearly four years. I can't even begin to comprehend the guilt she was carrying, and it was all for nothing. Some over zealous asshole was the one that shot me and Shaun lived and died with the thought that she was the one that nearly killed me. I should have taken the time to tell her. If only I had taken the time to find her before she left and told her she wasn't the one that did it. Damn." Harm finished.  
  
Harm finally broke down and started to cry. Neither of them noticed that a crowd had gathered once Harm started talking and now they drifted away with a better understanding of the proud Marine that had died not too long ago. Mac held on to him as his grief poured out not really knowing what else to do or say.  
  
Captain Kregain was loath to interrupt, but since his own heart was breaking at the loss of such a valued officer, he wanted to get this over with as soon as possible. Mac saw him approach and tried to get Harm to notice but he was still caught up in his grief.  
  
"It's all right, Colonel. You can give this to him when he's ready. Shaun was the best officer I've ever had the privilege of serving with. I am going to miss her." Kregain said.  
  
The Captain handed her a box and the returned to his duties.  
  
"Harm, Shaun left something for you. Why don't we go inside and you can look at it?" she offered.  
  
Mac led him to their quarters. As soon as the hatch was closed Harm opened the box and began to look through it. There were all sorts of pictures inside. Harm chose one at random and showed it to Mac. It was a picture of Shaun in an unguarded moment. "Who took this picture, Harm?" Mac asked.  
  
"I did. Shaun always had a loaded camera around and when I saw her like that I snapped off a few shots. She was really into photography." Harm said as he continued looking through the pictures in that box.  
  
They found all sorts of interesting shots of not only Shaun by herself but of the two of them together and a few of just Harm. "Looks like she was always thinking about you." Mac said as she took out a few pictures of just Harm.  
  
Some of them were taken, obviously, without Harm even knowing she was there. Mac was now seeing a side of her friend and partner that she had never seen before, the studious young man eager to please his mentor. Mac found a group of photos that was bound with a white ribbon. "Harm, did Shaun have any brothers or sisters that you knew about?" Mac asked as she looked a some baby pictures.  
  
"No, why?" he asked.  
  
She handed him the photos and waited. The third picture in the stack was of Shaun holding two newborn babies. "She didn't have any other family, only her parents and a pair of cousins are still alive." Harm said as he turned over the picture to read what was on the back. "Harmon Michael and Sarah Grace, nine hours after birth." it said. He looked through the stack quickly and saw snippets and snatches of the children as they grew. Harm leaned back in his chair and sighed. "She never said a word. I guess if she did our careers would have been over." he said.  
  
"Are you saying what I think you're saying?"  
  
"Yeah, Mac. They're mine."  
  
"Couldn't she have been with someone else before or after?"  
  
"It's possible but not likely. Shaun wasn't like that. Besides, why would she name them after me and my grandmother if they weren't mine." Harm said as he stared at the pictures.  
  
They spent the rest of the day and the entire night going through that box, looking at all the pictures and reading some of the letters.  
  
It was several hours after dawn when someone banged on the hatch waking both officers from their restless sleep.  
  
"Sir, ma'am, the transport is ready to take you and the Colonel back to the states." a voice on the other side of the hatch said and then left.  
  
"One of us has to call the admiral before we leave." Mac said.  
  
"I'll do it." Harm replied. Harm headed for the communications room to make his call.  
  
"Sir, there's a call coming in from the Kennedy. It's Commander Rabb." Tiner said.  
  
The admiral picked up the phone, "Rabb, what's going on out there?" he asked.  
  
"It's over, sir. The leader is dead and the rest are in custody. Sir, .....  
  
Shaun's dead, sir." Rabb blurted out.  
  
"WHAT?! How did that happen?" the admiral demanded.  
  
"Ramirez, the leader. He cornered Shaun and Mac as they headed for the flight deck. There was a fight and she had put him down hard by the time we got there. She was heading back outside when she turned around. The MP's lost control of Ramirez. It all happened so fast. One minute she was near the hatch and the next she was in front of me shooting Ramirez. He shot her as she shot him. Neither of them missed. Ramirez died instantly and Shaun died about thirty minutes later as we stood outside watching the afternoon flight run. Sir, she died in my arms." Rabb finished.  
  
"I want the two of you on the first available flight out of San Miguel. I'll send Imes and Mattoni to handle the case from here on." The admiral said.  
  
"Thank you, sir. There's more but I'll fill you in when we get back." Harm said. "I need to arrange for her funeral and everything." he said absently not remembering he was still on the phone with the admiral.  
  
"I'll take care of it, don't worry, just come home." the admiral ordered gently.  
  
"Yes, sir." Harm said and hung up the phone.  
  
"Let's go home, flyboy." Mac said softly.  
  
"Yeah, home."  
  
"Are you gonna be all right, Harm?" she asked.  
  
"Eventually. What am I going to do? I've missed all the little things, the important things, as they grew up. I swear, if I had known about them, I would have found a way, somehow," Harm faltered then.  
  
"I know, Harm. Don't worry, we'll think of something." Mac said softly as she held onto her despondent partner.  
  
As they flew home, Harm leaned on Mac and began to cry all over again. He was mourning for all the lost time and the unwarranted guilt that Shaun had carried to her grave. Finally, three hours into their flight, Harm fell into a dreamless asleep. Mac watched over him as he slept the entire way home.  
  
Harm woke with a start as the plane's wheels touched the runway. "Wha? What's going on?" he asked, totally confused. "We're home." Mac said. "Oh god, I thought it was all a nightmare. She's really gone isn't she?" Harm mumbled. Mac didn't answer.  
  
Mac led Harm away from the plane to the parking lot and found a Government Issue blue sedan waiting for them. They drove in silence through the lunchtime traffic toward Falls Church and their meeting with the admiral. Harm just stared out the passenger side window and watched nothing in particular.  
  
Mac was determined to be the strong one. Harm had always, in the past, been the one that looked out for her when she was feeling at odds with herself and everything around her. Now Harm needed her and her strength to get through not only the up coming funeral but telling the admiral about the way Shaun died and the small family she left behind. The fact that the twins were his may cause some problems but she would do what she could and knew that Harm wouldn't let anything get between him and his children, no matter what.  
  
Mac led the way into the Operation's Center of JAG and to the admiral's office. Harm was only a step behind her but worlds away with his grief. Bud and Harriet were the first to see them when they came in the door. No one, aside from the admiral, knew the details of Harm and Mac's assignment. Both young officers were stunned to see Rabb's red rimmed eyes as he continued to the other office. Harm didn't look at anyone and said absolutely nothing.  
  
"I'll tell you about it later." Mac said to Harriet and Bud. The junior officers nodded and went back to what they were doing before Harm and Mac arrived.  
  
"Is the admiral still here?" Harm asked Tiner.  
  
"Yes, sir. He's been waiting for you. Are you all right, sir?" Tiner asked.  
  
"Not really, I just want to get this over with and go home." Harm said.  
  
As soon as Mac joined him, they went into the admiral's office. Harm was doing remarkably well in keeping himself together but it was taking its toll on him. When the office door closed, the admiral looked up at the two officers. He was stunned at the look of total dejection on the Commander's face. It was then that he realized that Harm and Shaun had been more than partners and friends and her death was tearing Rabb apart.  
  
"How bad was it?" the admiral asked.  
  
Harm couldn't even look at the admiral; he continued to stare out the window behind him. Mac looked at him before she answered for the both of them. "She basically stayed out of our way while we did most of the work but she was there if it got too dangerous. Somehow she knew when we were about to walk into trouble and she was right there. There are five San Miguel terrorists in custody and two in the morgue." Mac began. The Colonel shivered as she remembered the look in Ramirez's eyes just before he attacked. "Honestly, I have never seen anyone move so fast. Shaun was near the flight deck hatch one minute and the next she was in front of Harm."  
  
"What else is there? He said that there was more." Chegwidden nodded toward the silent Commander.  
  
"Colonel Ryan left behind two children. From the pictures we found," at this Mac faltered, not knowing how to put it and not destroy two people's lives.  
  
"I have to find a way to tell them that their mother is dead and find a way to explain why I wasn't there for them." Harm said suddenly.  
  
Before the admiral could say anything his office door burst open and Secretary of the Navy Nelson stormed in. "Good you both are here. You can tell me how you managed to let one of the Marine's premier aviator's die." he thundered.  
  
A.J. was about to read him the riot act when Rabb turned on him. "You have no idea what happened out there. One of us was going to die no matter what anyone did. Shaun just made sure it was her and not me that's all. Now I have to tell two kids that their mother isn't coming home."  
  
Harm was about to take a swing at the insufferable jerk when Mac stopped him, "Don't Harm, he's not worth it. As much as you might enjoy it right now, you are going to need your job here if you're gonna take care of your new family." Mac reasoned. "Maybe so but it would be fun." Harm said. There was a ghost of his old self in his eyes as he turned away from the SecNav.  
  
"Mr. Secretary, I suggest you leave now, or next time I won't stop him from slugging you." A.J. said.  
  
The SecNav sputtered a moment and then left in a huff. Chegwidden grinned and shook his head, "I'll never understand politicians." Mac snickered at that but Harm didn't even bother to react.  
  
Both officers watched as their friend and colleague began to shut down emotionally. So much has happened to him over the last few years and the emotional wounds may finally be too much for him. Both Mac and Chegwidden thought that if they weren't careful, they just might lose him to an emotional black hole that he might never come out of. Harm was such a gentle and caring person, loyal and devoted to the people that he cared about. The admiral knew that being there when someone died was hard enough but to know that person, knowing that she died for him, had to be killing him.  
  
"Take him home, Mac. Stay with him as long as is necessary. I don't know what's going to happen in the next few days but he is going to need all of us." A.J. said.  
  
"Yes, sir." Mac said.  
  
She led the way too silent man out of the office and through the controlled confusion of the JAG office. Mac was concerned at his silence. "Harm, are you still with me?" she asked.  
  
"Yeah, just thinking. You and Shaun are a lot alike. Both Marines, both strong willed, both so beautiful." Harm said, not really paying attention to what he was saying.  
  
"It's going to be all right. It will take some time but it will be all right." Mac said.  
  
"I know but it still hurts." Harm said then turned to look out the car window as Mac drove them to his apartment.  
  
Once they got inside, Mac went straight to the kitchen to make some coffee and dinner since they had missed both breakfast and lunch. Harm just stood there in the center of the living area and looked around, kind of looking a bit lost.  
  
"Harm, hey flyboy are you still in there? Why don't you get cleaned up and relax? Dinner will be ready in a bit."  
  
"I'm not hungry." he said, his voice sounding hollow.  
  
"Maybe not, but you need to eat. You can't take care of what needs to be done for Shaun and your children if you pass out. That would make and interesting conversation, you passing out at the funeral because you wouldn't eat or rest. Listen Harm, you can't punish yourself for her dying or leaving you behind all those years ago. I didn't know her that well but I do know that she really loved you and the thought that she may have hurt you must have terrified her so bad that it made her run. Now you have to be strong and healthy for your kids, they are going to need you now." Mac said trying to get through to him.  
  
Harm went through the routine of changing and taking a shower without saying a word. He sat at the table and mechanically ate the dinner that Mac had prepared for him without really even noticing it. All he wanted to at that moment was to get drunk and forget about the last three weeks, but he wouldn't do that with her there. Harm wouldn't pick up a drink while Mac was around and make her uncomfortable, he couldn't do that to her.  
  
Once the dishes were done and with coffee in hand, Harm and Mac moved into the living room and sat on the couch. Without a second thought, Harm pulled Mac into a fierce embrace and just held on. Mac was startled at first but she knew he needed this and returned the embrace and waited, completely content. Eventually he fell asleep. Mac didn't want to disturb him so she just held on and let him sleep and waited.  
  
Several hours later, Harm sat up suddenly, nearly tossing Mac on the floor.  
  
"Harm, what is it? Are you all right?" Mac asked, a little confused and a bit stunned.  
  
"Yeah, I think so. Oh man, I'm stiff." Harm said as he stood up and stretched.  
  
Mac watched him and had to stifle an appreciative sigh. She loved to watch him move. She loved being with him and really wanted to be part of his life but now that's not possible. Mac sighed to herself and got up. She was going to leave when he stopped her.  
  
"Don't go, Mac, please." Harm said.  
  
"You need to rest and I need to change and get some sleep myself." Mac said while trying to ease out the door. Mac was determined not to look at him, knowing that if she did she would be lost. Mac knew in her heart that she would do anything for Harm no matter what. Shaun was right. He is hard to resist.  
  
"Please, Mac, I .... I don't want to be," Harm stammered.  
  
Finally, Mac did look and she was lost. He stood there looking so lost, his eyes still red from all the tears. Mac couldn't stop herself when she gave in and moved away from the door. "You still need to sleep, but not on the couch. C'mon, off to bed with you." she ushered.  
  
Mac followed him into the bedroom to make sure he did lay down and at least tried to sleep. She was about to turn away and go back into the living room when he stopped her. "Stay, please." he said. Of coarse Mac couldn't resist and she joined him on his bed. Harm curled around her and slowly drifted off once again. Mac stayed awake a little while longer watching him.  
  
The next few days were hectic and dragged on all the JAG staff. They had finally been told what had happened. They were all stunned and even though most of them didn't know Colonel Ryan personally, they grieved for Commander Rabb. Everything was handled quickly and with minimum fuss so as not to bother either Commander Rabb or Colonel MacKenzie.  
  
"Sir, the final autopsy report on Colonel Ryan just came in." Tiner said and handed the admiral the medical officer's report.  
  
"She took a hell of a beating in those last days. It's a wonder she was able to function with seven broken ribs." Chegwidden muttered. "She was one hell of a woman."  
  
"Sir, if I may ask. How is Commander Rabb handling all this?" Tiner asked.  
  
"As well as can be expected all things considered. We need to finalize the arrangements for a military funeral for the Colonel and begin the paperwork so that Rabb can take care of Shaun's children." A.J. said to Tiner. "Aye, aye, sir. I'll get on this right away." Tiner said and then he left the office to begin the necessary work.  
  
Chegwidden sat there and tried to get more work done but his thoughts kept straying to a certain pair of officers. Eventually he gave up on the paperwork and decided to see for himself how Rabb was doing. He stopped at Tiner's desk on the way out. "I'll be back later." he said. "Would you give Commander Rabb my condolences, sir?" Tiner asked. The admiral was about to ask him just how he knew when he decided against it and nodded.  
  
A short time later, Chegwidden was standing at Rabb's apartment door. He knocked softly, just incase they were both sleeping. He was about to return to the elevator when Mac opened the door. Mac stood aside and let the admiral in. She closed the door gently and looked toward the bedroom to make sure Chegwidden's arrival hadn't disturbed him.  
  
"Is he asleep?" the admiral asked.  
  
"Yes, sir. This is much worse than when we found out about his father. I don't know if he'll be able to recover from this one, sir." Mac said.  
  
"We'll make sure he has a reason not to fall apart completely, Colonel. This came earlier this afternoon. It's the final autopsy report on Colonel Ryan." A.J. said and handed her the file.  
  
Mac looked through it and was horrified. "Is this accurate?" she asked.  
  
"Yes. She lived through all that during those last three weeks." A.J. said.  
  
"She must have known, somehow she must have known it would happen. My god, we can't tell Harm any of this. He's feeling guilty enough, he doesn't need to know this right now, if ever." Mac said.  
  
The admiral agreed. He stayed and the two of them talked about arrangements for a while then the admiral left, feeling a little better but still sad over the death of a valiant officer.  
  
A few hours later, Harm woke up. He reached out for Mac but didn't find her next to him. "Mac?" he called out.  
  
"Right here. The admiral was here earlier, he came to see how you were doing, and I didn't want to wake you for that." she said.  
  
"Thanks. What time is it anyway?"  
  
"Twenty thirty. Come on, I'll fix us some dinner." she said and reached out to pull him off the bed.  
  
"I still need to make the funeral arrangements. I've also got to find out where," Harm said as he headed not for the kitchen but to the phone.  
  
"It's being handled. The admiral is seeing to everything, don't worry." Mac said.  
  
"My god, I'm a mess aren't I? I can't seem to handle the simplest task without getting lost. How the hell am I going to handle being a father to two kids that I don't even know? I can't take care of myself let alone two kids. DAMN IT! Why did she do this to me? Why the hell did she run off like that?" Harm suddenly raged.  
  
Mac kept her distance as Harm blew off his pent up grief and survivors rage. She just waited for him to calm down again before approaching him. She did take it as a good sign that he was finally coming back to himself now that he was angry.  
  
His angry ravings didn't last too long before he collapsed to the floor and started crying again. Mac took this as a sign that it was safe to approach him, to comfort him.  
  
"I don't know what to tell you, Harm. I do know that no matter what happened between you, Shaun still loved you. She told me that seeing you again was the hardest thing for her. She knew that while you both were still in the military you couldn't be together but she left you with her greatest treasure, her children, your children. You don't have to be superman, you don't have to be the strong one this time. I'm not going anywhere; your friends at JAG aren't going anywhere. We'll stand by you no matter what." she said.  
  
"You don't have to do that, Mac. You've done so much for me as it is, you don't need to deal with this too." Harm said, giving her a way out.  
  
"I know I don't have to, none of has too. We want to. You've stood by all of us when we needed you, now it's our turn. Besides, I want to hear more about the two of you. Somehow I get the feeling Shaun taught you more than the law when you were together. I think you need to talk about her as much as I want to hear about those days." Mac said.  
  
Mac figured that if she could get him to talk about Shaun it would ease up on the guilt and grief some and she would learn more about the man she was falling in love with.  
  
"She did teach me more about life and living it in those days. Even before the crash I was not exactly the best guy to be around for a long time. I guess you could say I was the worst end of the spectrum of pilots in attitude than most. The crash only made it worse." Harm began.  
  
For the next several days, Harm told Mac and whoever else were there different stories about his and Shaun's adventures. He talked endlessly about everything he could think of and showed off the pictures he had and the ones they found on the Kennedy. By the time the funeral came around, Harm was in better spirits than he was at first.  
  
On the morning of the service Harm was hunting through some old stuff when Mac came up behind him.  
  
"What on earth are you looking for?" Mac asked.  
  
"Shit!" Harm shouted, badly startled. He lost his grip on the papers he was looking through and they went flying. "Damn it Mac, don't sneak up on me like that. Oh man, you nearly gave me a heart attack."  
  
"Sorry," Mac said as she tried to control her laughter. "Laugh it up, Marine." he said. "I'm looking for something I wrote while I was still in law school. I had to take a writing class. It was either Creative Writing or Technical Writing. At the time I really wasn't interested in either but I took the Creative Writing. There was something I wrote that Shaun really liked and I wanted to read it at her grave site. Damn it, I've got so much junk in these boxes it's gonna take forever to find it." he muttered helplessly.  
  
Mac picked through some of the papers that were lying around and read what was on them. She knew he was creative, his singing voice was incredible and he played guitar wonderfully, but Mac had no idea that his creativity extended to the written word. What she read of the poems and short stories spoke of a truly tender soul, a lost boy that had to grow up too soon after his father vanished. "These are beautiful Harm." Mac whispered, tears filling her eyes. "I guess so. I never really liked writing much but it was an easy class." he said, suddenly self conscious. "It doesn't show. You have a talent for this as much as the music you play and the songs you sing." Mac said.  
  
She held his eyes willing him to believe her and except the complement for the honest truth it was. "Thanks Mac. Shaun thought so too. She loved to read this stuff all the time" Harm said and he continued to search for that missing item. "Hah, found it." he crowed. Mac turned to look and, for the first time in days, she saw the light in his eyes and that wonderful, infuriating flyboy grin on his handsome face.  
  
"Good, now go get cleaned up and get dressed. The admiral and Congresswoman Lathem will be here soon." Mac said as she adjusted her dress blues in the mirror.  
  
As soon as she said that, there was a knock at the door. "See I told you." Mac called as she went to open it. "Admiral, Congresswoman Lathem, come in. Harm is getting ready." she said.  
  
The congresswoman was decked out in her best black silk suit and the admiral was in his dress blues. "I thought he would be ready by now." the admiral said.  
  
"Yeah, well, he was looking for something and it took a little longer than he expected. Sir, did you find them?" Mac asked.  
  
"Yes. It was a little unnerving when I went to see them. The boy looks just like Rabb, it was spooky. They both attend the Huntington Military Academy outside Annapolis. And the girl looks a lot like Shaun." he said.  
  
"How are they handling it sir?"  
  
"They're trying to be strong. When I brought up the subject of who their father was, Sarah asked if Commander Rabb was going to be there. It seems they know about him and understand why he wasn't there. They took it well and are looking forward to finally meeting him."  
  
"That's good to hear sir. I've been wracking my mind trying to figure out how to explain it to them." Harm said from the doorway to the bedroom. "What are they like sir?" Harm asked as he joined them at the door.  
  
"I'll tell you on the way, it's time to go." A.J. said.  
  
Bobby Lathem just followed and listened. When she had heard she almost went charging over to see him but held back for some reason. Now she understood, she wasn't really part of Harm's world and he wasn't a part of hers no matter how much she wanted him to be. Bobby could hover on the fringes and learn a few things about him but the real Harmon Rabb Jr. would always be out of reach to her.  
  
"Well, let's see. Your son prefers to be called Michael. He and his sister are straight 'A' students at the Huntington Academy. Not too surprising, they both want a military career and they both want to be aviators, just like their parents. From what they told me, and we only had a short time, Shaun made sure she told them all about who their father was and why they couldn't be together. For almost teenagers, they are quite level headed. Since they have been raised in the military tradition, they understand the chain of command and all. They also know that Shaun never told you for the very same reason and your loyalty to her. I like the way Sarah Grace put it, 'You couldn't be together in life. But now you will be together forever as long as you have us.' She said that they understood and don't hold it against you for not being there." A.J. said.  
  
Harm relaxed as he listened to the admiral and even smiled at what Sarah Grace said. "That sounds like something Shaun would have said." he muttered.  
  
"Mac said you were looking for something. What was it?" Bobby asked.  
  
"Something that Shaun liked. It was buried in one of the boxes I had in the back of a closet. Of course, Mac came in while I was looking and managed to nearly give me a heart attack by sneaking up on me. There were papers flying all over the place." Harm said, laughter dancing in his eyes once again.  
  
A.J. smiled to himself when he saw Rabb's antics. He's coming back. Slowly but surely he's coming back to us. the admiral thought to himself.  
  
Eventually the long line of cars arrived at the Arlington National Cemetery. There were many important people getting out of those cars including members of the Kennedy's flight and command crew. There were also the token politicians and annoying reporters. But for once the reporters had the decency to keep their distance and not make pests of themselves, for which Harm was truly grateful.  
  
The admiral and Bobby led Mac and Harm to where Shaun's family were waiting. "Mr. and Mrs. Ryan, this is Commander Rabb and Colonel MacKenzie." the admiral introduced and then he and Bobby left to find their place in the chapel.  
  
"It's good to finally meet the man that meant so much to our daughter, Commander." Mr. Ryan said.  
  
"It's Harm, sir. I don't know what to say. Shaun talked about you often. I just wish we were meeting under better circumstances." Harm said.  
  
"I understand. Admiral Chegwidden said that you were with her when she died." Mrs. Ryan said.  
  
"Yes, ma'am. She had just put down a terrorist intruder on the ship and was going to let the MP's take care of him when she turned back for some reason. It happened so fast that at first no one knew what happened. She wanted to be outside before.... I carried her outside to the flight deck. We were watching the afternoon launches as she slipped away. If she hadn't moves so fast it would have been me that was dead and not her." Harm said.  
  
He didn't get into the gory details of the investigation or anything but managed to tell them enough to help them.  
  
"She knew she was going to die out there eventually." a voice said from the back of the small room. "She died so you could be with us." another voice said.  
  
Two young teenagers moved past the adults to stand in front of their father. "Mother was right about you, Commander. I can see it in your eyes and hear it in your voice. Maybe we just met in person but I feel like I've know you all my life, dad." the girl, Sarah Grace, said.  
  
Those simple words were all it took for them to start crying all over again. Michael and Sarah Grace fell into their father's arms and held on tight. "We are going to be a family, I promise." Harm said. "We know." Michael said.  
  
Mac spoke quietly with the Ryan's as Harm got to know his children. Mac found it a little spooky that Michael looked so much like Harm when he was that young. She turned to the door when she heard the music begin. "Harm, it's time, we need to find our place." Mac whispered.  
  
The church service was dignified and very traditional. Mac and Harm sat with the elder Ryan's and the children. Michael and Sarah were trying not to give into their tears again but they still spilled down their faces at the powerful tribute their mother was given.  
  
The walk was short to where Colonel Ryan would be laid to rest and the graveside tribute began not long after the casket was moved into place over the open earth. The minister read a few passages from the scripture before stepping away and letting Harm step forward.  
  
"Back when I was just starting out with JAG I was assigned to work with Shaun. It hadn't been that long after the crash on the SeaHawk and I was mad at the world. Shaun would always listen to me, no matter what. At first I didn't understand why she would waste her time with the likes of me. As I got to know her and watch her as she worked, I began to understand. There was no psychology involved, she just understood and had the patients to let me work through all the pain and turmoil. She became more to me than a superior officer as time went on, we became the best of friends. Shaun kept me going when I wanted to give up she even talked me into doing something I never would have done on my own." at this Harm turned red with embarrassment but he kept going. "She talked me into taking a creative writing class. Shaun said she liked all the stuff I had to do for that class but there was one in particular she liked most." he said and he took out an old, yellowed sheet of paper and began to read it:  
  
Panther's Eyes  
  
Golden bright eyes in the night, Gleaming, shining, seeing all.  
  
Sunlight and shade, moonlight and clouds, Hide not the Panther's Eyes.  
  
Hunter stealing through the brush, Protector spirit to all.  
  
Strong and sure, brave and true, Body borne of jungle strength.  
  
Panther's Eyes seek the cruel and unjust, Sheltering the weak with loyalty's strength.  
  
Panther's Eyes see all that you are, Knows you, protects no matter what.  
  
Panther's heart beats strong and sure, Panther's strength guards true forever.  
  
In Panther's Eyes nothing is too weak, to frail, Panther Guardian standing tall through it all.  
  
The end.  
  
Just as he finished, everyone heard the roar of incoming fighters and they looked to the sky. Five fighters tore across the sky and as soon as they passed over the cemetery, one of them pealed off completing the Missing Man formation. Off in the distance, on a hill under a tree, a soldier blew taps for the fallen Marine. The mournful wail of the bugle sent shivers through many of the gathered including Harm, Mac, Michael and Sarah Grace. Six of Shaun's closest friends, including Harm, picked up the flag that was draped over the coffin and began to fold it. When they were done, Harm took it and without a second thought brought it to Michael.  
  
"With thanks of a grateful nation and my own heart." he said and handed it to the teen. Michael nodded and excepted it. Harm stepped back and saluted them both.  
  
Later, everyone gathered at the Ryan's house. It was awkward at first since no one really knew anything about Shaun's private life. Finally it was one of the Kennedy's pilots that broke the ice. He started off by telling some god awful stories about when Shaun first arrived on the Kennedy. Soon everyone was laughing and sharing their memories of Shaun. Michael and Sarah Grace were fascinated and listened closely. Stories and antiqudotes went on into the night. Even Harm was caught up in the laughter and warm feelings too much to feel the pain of her loss.  
  
The end  
  
author's post script: all right folks, I'm ending it here for now. If you want more you're gonna have to let me know. That means generous feedback with some ideas. If I kept going with this as it is I would never get it done but I have left it open to go on. Of coarse, anyone out there in fanfic land could take this thing up and run with it as long as I get some credit.  
  
Another thing you should know, Panther's Eyes was written especially for this story. I gave Harm a creative writing streak that he likes to keep hidden, that bit is all me folks, sorry I couldn't resist. Panther's Eyes will turn up in another archive because it also fits to another character I like to write about. Night night all. 


End file.
